Sonnet

Upon a summer's day, I thought I'd write a sonnet

And so I went down to the store and bought myself a bonnet.

Uncertain as to how it is a poet makes a rhyme,

I thought a while and finally said, "I'll just take my time."

I picked out words that made me glad,

Eschewing words that don't.

I left out words that made me sad,

Employing those that won't.

The teacher said I'd messed it up

Because I didn't know

Th'importance of the rhyming scheme

And how it was supposed to go

I said, "I don't care, teacher, dear, ultimate form is formless

The Petrarchans couldn't stand Shakespeare. Perfect art is normless."

Tags: Nashticate
July 31, 2017 at 12:17PM
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My First World Problem

There's so much to do

Before I am through

So much to see

While I am still me

Not enough time

To make it all rhyme

Can't move fast enough

To do all the stuff

That I'd like to do

Before I am through

Tags: Nashticate
July 30, 2017 at 03:51PM
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-ist

Making art makes an artist

Playing a bass makes a bassist

Making charts makes a chartist

So running a race makes... a racist?

Tags: Nashticate
July 20, 2017 at 05:50PM
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Neither

Neither teacher nor a student be

But keep yourself always free

Of needing to prove that you're the best.

You're unique, like all the rest.

Tags: Nashticate
July 18, 2017 at 11:24AM
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Libertarian

There are so many things that I want

And virtues I would so love to flaunt

    If I do have free will

    And can choose good or ill

I should always be good but I Kant

Tags:
July 17, 2017 at 10:26AM
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Canteloupe

There once was an antelope

Who loved a sweet canteloupe

    "Come with me, my dear;

    We'll wed far from here."

Said the melon, "I can't elope."

Tags: Nashticate
July 17, 2017 at 10:21AM
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Spam

We get lots of mail in lots of pieces
Cause lots of spammers want to fleece us
Spammers, e-, and spammers, snail-
All try to fleece us through the mail

Perennial Trends in Poetry

Versifying
is worsifying

Austin is weird, Houston is hot,
San Antone is peachy but El Paso's not.
Oh no, don't go to El Paso.

Just driving by on the interstate,
The view is nice but the smell sure ain't.
Oh no, don't go to El Paso.

The thing about El Paso, it don't smell like a rose.
It smells like a cow took a dump in your nose.
Oh no, don't go to El Paso.

Hetty Harper

Hetty Harper went to Slough
I hope she's made it home by now

Unless she slid off in a slough
If so, I don't know what we'll do

Ah, botheration, let it slough
I think I've worried quite enough

If at first...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again

Even if it makes you bleed, try, try again

Through the brush and through the weeds, try, try again

There's never enough if you're driven by greed, so try, try again

Oh, I am the lazy butt slacker

Oh, I am the lazy butt slacker
I slack all the time, as much as I can
You'll very few as lazy as me
Cause I am the lazy butt slacker man

Miss Communication

Miss Communication is a lady of renown
She visits all over through country and town
We believe with her help our information is hot
But because of her presence, we discover it's not

Greens

Greens with my breakfast, greens with my lunch
Greens for supper, greens to munch

Greens up my nose, greens in my hair
Everywhere I look, I find greens there

Greens are healthy, greens are good
Greens full of vitamins and minerals too

Greens fill me up, greens slim me down
Greens make me sharp-dressed all around the town

Greens are the greatest, greens are da bomb
Greens are best, greens are yum!

Our eating keeps making us ill
While we think that the cure is a pill
We'd better get smart
And eat for our hearts
Cause no one can cover the bill

Those of us
Who are iniquitous
Are ubiquitous

Iniquity?
Ubiquity!

Sorrowful Haiku

mourning dove calling
happily waking me up
mourning the morning

Mother-in-law

Dear lady mother of my wife
Do you know how you enhanced my life
When you gave birth to your daughter?

My heart is filled with gratitude
And so with humble attitude
Let me thank you as I oughter

We've made it safe through one verse
So before I make it any worse
I'll wind this up directly.

I thank my mother for my life
I thank Theresa for my wife
And close circumspectly.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day comes once a year,
A chance to tell you, Mother, dear
How very dear you are.

A day to toast and celebrate you,
A day to feast and felicitate you,
To serenade you with guitar.

And so I wrote this not-a-sonnet
Delivered with some flowers on it
I hope they're up to par.

May your day be unforgettable,
Filled with memories unregrettable.
May all you want be oh-so-gettable,
And your sky be filled with stars.